Last week I took my first trip on an airplane in about 10 years. The funny thing is that while it’s been 10 years, almost everything is exactly the same. While the technology may have advanced some (I checked- in easily thanks to the app!), the types of people I hate at the airport haven’t changed. Let’s review:
The Traveler Who Completely Ignores the Carry-On Rule and Brings a Large Rolling Suitcase
There is nothing more aggravating than watching some douche bag try to shove his larger-than-carry-on bag in the overhead storage bin. When it doesn’t fit in one storage bin, he’s gotta go to the back of the plane to put it in an empty storage bin and then come back against the flow of passenger traffic to get to his seat. Is that really worth it, dude? Just carry the right damn size. Check in your larger-than-life bag. Please. You are the most repeat offender of the people I hate at the airport.
The Man Who Must’ve Been Stomping in Raw Sewage Before Coming to the Airport
As I waited in line in LAX security, the room suddenly filled with a smell that I can’t accurately describe. If any of you have dogs and you’ve had to have their anal glands emptied, then that may accurately describe it. The smell was so gut-wrenching and post-apocalyptic that even the TSA guys had to bring out their commercial-grade Febreeze. No joke. I can’t even imagine what the poor traveler must’ve been doing prior to putting his shoes on. Swimming in raw sewage? Stomping on dead fish? I don’t know, but please for the sake of our noses, can you at least wear socks next time?
The Woman Who Wears The Largest Lace-Up Boots Through Security
While I’m a fairly patient person, there is nothing more aggravating than having to watch someone unlace the largest boots in history just to get through security. Even I know better and I haven’t traveled in 10 years. Next time, could you please think about some ankle boots at least? Or even flip flops?
The People Who Stand Huddled At The Gate When You All Have Assigned SeatsWhen I arrived at the gate to board my plane, I was flabbergasted that almost every single passenger was huddled around the gate. The plane was literally still de-planing from the previous flight. With this particular airline, we all had assigned seats and they boarded the plane in groups. Every one will get a seat. The plane will not leave without you. You can sit down and wait for your boarding group to get called. You could even live on the edge and wait for the final boarding call and you’d STILL get your assigned seat.
The Man Who Elbows Me To Get Past Me
I am a fast walker, so if someone is elbowing me to get past me, they must really be in a hurry. What they don’t know is that I have no problem cropdusting them in return. And if you’re going to elbow me, could you at least apologize?
I know that the seat has a recline function, but when the reclining function causes the tray table to smash into the legs of the person behind you, is that okay? I’m not even that tall, but I could barely move my legs or retrieve my purse once the person in front of me reclined. It was like an airplane strait jacket for 2 hours.
Travelers Who Stand Up As Soon As the Buckle Seat Sign Turns Off
For the love of all things, WHY??! I know a lot of us have connecting flights, but standing up when the buckle seat sign turns off is not going to get you anywhere any faster than the next guy. It’s a wild concept, but you can actually wait until the door opens and I think you would still get to your connecting flight in the same amount of time. So sit yourself down and chill out. Eat your free pretzels while you’re waiting. Text your wife. Something.
The Endless Head Scratchers
This was actually the first time for me to experience this, but I had to add it to my list because it was a terrible thing to witness. Maybe it’s my extreme fear of lice but the woman in front of me would not stop scratching her scalp. Like intensely scratching. She had really long hair that was draping over the back of her chair and I kept envisioning dandruff (at the very least) on my tray table. Or dear Lord, it could’ve been lice. OH.MY.GOD. This was a new experience for me but definitely added it to my list of people I hate at the airport.
Baggage Claim Hoarders
When you go to baggage claim and every single passenger is hovering around the ONE section where the luggage comes down. Most people should know that the baggage will come back around. It’s not a one-shot-and-you’re-out kind of thing. So, calm yourself down and maybe go around to the other side of the circle? Just an idea.
So, that about sums up my airport and traveling experience. I could probably come up with more airport atrocities, but these were the most blatant offenders.
Thankfully I don’t fly again any time soon, so I don’t have to bear witness to stinky feet or lice-infested hair droppings.
What are your worst airport atrocities?