Let’s face it, some days are just easy and others are plain stressful. Unfortunately, I seem to be on a continued streak of those stressful days lately. So stressful that I’m having a hard time feeling that #soblessed vibe that everyone shares.
I went to the bus stop yesterday afternoon in the same clothes that I was wearing the day before. People probably wouldn’t normally notice, but my t-shirt has large letters on it that spell “I HATE RUNNING” in all caps, so it’s pretty memorable. I wore a hat (with the name of the local distillery because that’s classy) to cover my unwashed hair and 5 inch roots. I couldn’t find my shoes so I went barefoot with my months-old toenail polish showing. My 4 year old was in his mismatched PJs with no shoes. No one call CPS, folks. It’s just a frazzled mom trying to keep it together.
You see, our dishwasher has been broken for 3 days and the sink is filled to the brim with dirty dishes. Also, our Golden Retriever is suddenly on a shed-a-thon and there is enough dog fur on the floor to create a large family of chinchillas (side note: had the Roomba not run over the dog’s rampant diarrhea a few months ago, we’d still have a vacuum to suck up the faux chinchillas).
My poor husband has been traveling more so he was gone a lot of October. Not to mention, he comes home the other day and is knocked down with a bad stomach bug. I entered self-preservation mode and I am keeping a safe distance from said husband. And maybe I’m wearing a Hazmat suit. No, I’m not paranoid. Why do you ask?
I haven’t filled out the kids’ reading logs yet for the week and I’ve already forgotten what they’ve read and when. The thought of starting homework with my middle child is a daunting task that I just don’t feel like tackling. Instead I just keep giving him time warnings until I feel up to the task.
And as if parenting kids isn’t stressful enough, the cat had a run-in with some kind of spider and his lip is swollen like he had a botched Botox job. Before kids, I would have scheduled an appointment for him at the vet, but now my first inclination is, “Eh, he’ll be fine. Let’s wait a few days.” The puppy is 10 months old and somehow I still haven’t signed him up for training. Our little Betta fish that I bought on a whim probably nine months ago is surprisingly still alive and I am completely unprepared for that. My 6 year old said, “Mom, the fish tank is SO dirty. You need to Google how to clean it.” Thanks, kid.
And then there’s dinner. That’s a nightly stressor in our house, never able to please everyone.
So, I’m going to be honest here. Sometimes I am too stressed to feel blessed.
Now, before anyone thinks I’m an absolutely awful person. I AM blessed. I know this. I am lucky to have three kids, a loving husband that takes care of us, and a comfortable house. I am lucky to be able to stay home with them. But just because I am blessed doesn’t mean that I always feel it. As my wise friend said, “this shit’s hard.”
I feel like as a mom, I should be super woman, able to handle everything with grace and always in awe of my sweet children. And while there are some moments that I feel like that, the rest of the time, I’m seconds away from poking my eyeballs out.
So, I’m going to cut myself some slack. Refocus priorities. And possibly buy a new Roomba.