Going Postal (The Blue Chair)

20. May 2016 funny 5
Going Postal (The Blue Chair)

We all have our thresholds. Unfortunately for me,  it seems that the threshold is a moving target and my “I’VE HAD ENOUGH!!!” moment depends entirely on what’s transpired throughout the day.

My patience level seems to directly correlate with how many of the following things occur in a given day (just a snapshot of some of my hot button items):

  • kids blaming other kids about who peed on the toilet seat
  • kids fighting over who spilled a drink
  • kids fighting over who mysteriously peed on the bathroom floor
  • kids slapping each other about who made who trip/fall
  • kids arguing over which car seat they sit in

The things above, along with other external forces, sometimes cause me to yell. I don’t enjoy yelling, I really don’t. But this post isn’t about yelling…

There are those times in parenting that yelling isn’t even an option for the feelings that are brewing inside. It’s what happens when you feel like you’re going to explode. It’s called GOING POSTAL.

You see, I had this idea that I would paint all of our wooden IKEA kitchen chairs different colors. I thought it would be cute since I love bright colors. It just so happens that I painted one of the kitchen chairs blue, and it just so happens that about a year ago, one of the kids deemed the blue chair THE COOL CHAIR. As in, if you don’t get the blue chair, you are a rotten egg.

For months on end, I had to deal with the fighting that ensued because of the STUPID BLUE CHAIR. Every.Damn.Day. It didn’t matter how many times I reassured the kids that sitting in the yellow chair didn’t make them any less cool. No amount of reasoning would change their minds. They weren’t really a rotten egg. They weren’t losing in the game of life because they got the red chair. They weren’t losing the chair race. There were tears almost daily.

One morning, a morning like any other, the kids were getting their breakfast ready. Just like all of the mornings before that, someone said, “HA HA, I’ve got THE BLUE CHAIR!” And then the crying from the other two started.

I flipping snapped. Somehow hearing the taunting on the 198th day made me finally lose it. I yanked THE (DAMN) BLUE CHAIR out from underneath said child, screamed something stupidly ridiculous like “No one is ever going to sit in this chair ever again!” And with that, I took the chair outside and went Hulk Smash on it. I broke the poor IKEA chair into a couple of blue sad splintered wooden pieces. I was right, no one really was going to sit in that chair ever again.

hulk_smash_color_by_andre_vaz

I left it outside and came back in to three kids looking at me with really big eyes. I’m not sure anyone said anything for quite some time. After I calmed down, I apologized to the kids for going bananas.

Looking back on it, my actions were utterly ridiculous. I’m not perfect by any means, and I’m usually one of the first to admit my own faults. But we all have a limit and that DAMN BLUE CHAIR was mine.

Have you ever gone postal about something? It would make me feel more human (and less Hulk Smash-y) if you want to share.


5 thoughts on “Going Postal (The Blue Chair)”

  • 1
    Lynette Gaido on May 20, 2016 Reply

    Frequently! But it’s now with students at school who are taking Chinese 1 and don’t wanna. Happens to the best of us!
    Love your blog!

  • 2
    Heather on May 21, 2016 Reply

    Haha!!! Love it! I have gone crazy over the kids dishes. Ironically it was over a blue bowl. I ended up throwing all kids dishes away, that weren’t plain and boring, in a dramatic loud fashion. I don’t think they learned anything from it other then their mother is a tad crazy.
    Your blog is fantastic! Thanks for sharing your rambunctious life!

  • 3
    Troy on May 30, 2016 Reply

    One year when I was around 8 years old, Mom (JoAnn) was really angry at the 4 of us and threatened to remove the old black & white tv that the kids watched from the house. One Friday, we 4 kids got home from school and the tv was gone! OMG! After a long night, Saturday morning finally came but there were no cartoons to watch. We played with toys until a BIG delivery truck showed up, I think it was a Sears but that was a long time ago. The 2 guys started unloading a box, we ran and told mom but she said it must have been a mistake. The door bell rang, mom let them in. She had bought a new Color TV. OMG, mom was the best. You did the right thing Amy. Sometimes going postal gets the kids attention.

  • 4
    joanne on June 10, 2016 Reply

    Lol! Love this!

  • 5
    Marla Carlton on August 5, 2016 Reply

    This is brilliant. I just hear you read at open mic night at BlogHer Conference – wonderful and hilarious! I can totally relate.

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